An Effective Retort

Over the weekend I posted (on Facebook) a picture of Daniel Slocumb reclining in a bamboo chair at the beach in a dirty white v-neck shirt. He has his arms crossed and the way the picture was framed up it looks like he's in a trailer park. Naturally, I made a comment on the picture sparking a line of discussion something along these lines:

Jimmy:
This is a difficult family photo to explain.

Daniel:
Yes, the fact that it is just so beautimous and, might I add, awesome - has left you dumbfounded and speechless.

Jimmy:
This is the sort of picture that will resurface during your trial in 2039.

Daniel:
I am pretty sure you mean YOUR trial...false allegations against an unwitting genius boy whose only crime was being in the wrong place at the wrong time will fall back to hurt you - not me…I'd blame the toadfish you caught yesterday if I were you.

Jimmy:
That wasn't a toadfish - I already told you: it was an Amazonian warrior woman in disguise. She tried to kill me with a 7ft spear.

Daniel:
Regardless of that, you better start running or hope, and I do mean hope, that the Dude Ranch does finally float away because I can hear the police sirens all the way from Jeffersonville Road. They're coming for YOU.

Jimmy:
You're cruising for a smack-bottom.

Daniel:
With you in handcuffs…I doubt it.

Jimmy:
The only thing thats going to be handcuffed is your face to my rump. Thats whats going to be handcuffed, DANIEL. Face handcuffs - write that down.

Don't make me set your whole world on fire, Sally.

Daniel:
The cops are monitoring you, you know...they just read your threats and I heard that they were bringing not only a straight jacket, but also a "Hannibal Lecter" mask and a set of grillz so that you cannot speak unless they want you to.

Jimmy:
Oh yeah? The cops are monitoring you through a homing beacon crammed into your....Well, you know….….Shoe.

Daniel:
What they dont know is that I kicked you so hard I lost my shoe in your...toolbox…..and yes I am walking around with only one shoe on….quite uncomfortable.

Jimmy:
You're going to have a hard time talking around my size 11. Thats all I know.

Daniel:
Seeing as how one of my size tens is incommunicado, I will have to resort to the only thing that is more powerful: Toby, our Teacup Poodle….Watch your ankles.

Jimmy:
Nuh unh!!!!

Daniel:
……..
Which just goes to show you: "Nuh Unhhh!!" is the most effective retort ever devised by man.