Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Naked and Angry

I saw a newborn today which is rare for me. You don't typically see great roving herds of newborns out toddling the halls of your average consulting firm on a normal business day, so I won't lie to you - it threw me off. Now, I'm generally not opposed to the concept of children in the workplace (small hands are great for cleaning coffee mugs); but I draw the line at newborns - mostly just because it has been my experience that newborns spend a great deal of time naked and angry. And friends, there is no room for naked and angry in the workplace.

In my opinion naked and angry is no way to go through life, so it’s a nice bonus that most of us essentially grow through that stage fairly quickly (hopefully never to return). Growing up is tough though. Its hard to go from not walking to walking; not talking to talking…to talking too much….Its even a little tough to go from not driving to driving. When I was that age I went from driving to not driving fairly regularly as well - mostly depending on the good humor of my parents and the fickle mechanical state of my 1978 Bronco (may it rattle in peace).

Don't get me wrong - I know of fairly popular people who have forged successful careers either naked, or angry; but never a combination of the two. Naked and angry is a tough sell.

I can think of many dissimilar things that go marvellously well together - marshmallows coolwhup and pistachios, steak and potatoes, syringes and butts, my cousin Martin and button-up shirts, wood and fire, chocolate and icecream; but I'm betting you won't see Ben & Jerry roll out "Naked and Angry" in their 2008 summer lineup.

Take your average cabdriver for instance: angry? You bet. Do you get in his cab? Sure. So he's an angry cabbie - big deal. Compulsively jiggle the door handle en route, then stiff him on the tip as payback if he's rude.

Now, on the other hand - do you get in with an angry, naked cabbie? Not a chance. That’s one cab you let cruise right on by. There is just too much that can happen at 60mph that you might need clothes for to warrant putting yourself at the mercy of an angry naked man. Naked and angry just don't mix.

Typically the transition away from angry nakedness starts with solid foods - you move on from there and before you know it; you're standing in the driveway as your Dad pulls up in a brand-new 1973 Gremlin that he bought you because he heard your girlfriend say she thought it was "cute." Its your first car.

You're not naked (you've come a long way), but you're definitely angry…at least that’s how my uncle Buster tells it.

So maybe the issue is - the act of removing the outer clothing cancels out anger. Its tough to be angry and naked at the same time - you feel a tad too exposed to muster up a really fierce look - (the key to a proper rampage). So, the answer to anger management might be just 6 buttons and a zipper away, because I think you'd feel better if you took your clothes off.


Alison & Nathan said...

May the loud, green 'Beast' never be spoken of without reverence and awe, and may it forever rest in peace. Amen and Amen.

Alison said...

May 'The Beast' never be spoken of without reverence and awe. It was a good truck, all loud and green. Rest in Peace, Beastie. Rest in peace.

Kitty said...

Interesting, your thoughts on naked and angry...I agree with your hypothesis that naked and angry don't work togeter "on" the same person. I have observed, however, naked and angry at the same time, but with 2 different people. I can actually think of numerous instances where one could be naked and the other angry. It is also the interesting the role solid food plays into it all. Might explain why many of those who have successful careers being naked don't eat much solid food... just a thought.

Anonymous said...

This certainly brought back memories of the little yellow 1973 Gremlin. As a girl, I also thought it was a "cute" car, but as a very close relative of the recipient of the Gremlin, I never voiced that thought. Blood is thicker than water you know and I had no particular loyalty to Susan B. (She may now get her 15 minutes of fame in your blog.)
The Gremlin did make several trips to Pawley's so it proved its worth to us as teens of the 70's.
enjoy the blog a lot
ruth in sc