Monday, July 23, 2007

Welcome to The Cow Show

My good friend Tommy Statham launched into a long story last night about…something - I don't remember what. I think it was something about his cousin, but I don't really know exactly. I sort of phased slowly out when I heard him say "then we went to the livestock show."

Regardless, the point is this: his story involved a livestock "show"; more specifically - a cow show…..And that set me to thinking.

At some point it seems to me that every cow owner, before he or she became a cow owner, was confronted with a particular cow and immediately thought to himself, "if only I had that particular cow in my life, everything would be better. I gotta have that cow." Then, at some point our cow owner caught a glimpse of his special cow when the light hit her just right and he thought to himself, "my, that’s a beautiful cow."

Ultimately, our virtuous cow owner decides that beauty and perfection of the magnitude exemplified in his pet cow shouldn't be hidden away on a small farm in Yatesville, GA, but should be put on display for the entire world to see. So, that is why 11 months, 8,000lbs of feed, and 14 shampooings later; we catch up to our cow-owner friend at his first cow show, nervously fiddling with his suspenders and praying for total cattle-show domination.

As I understand it: in a cow show a full-grown man walks up to the center of a ring or stage with his pet cow and another man looks at the first man and says into a microphone, "this is quite a cow you got here. I bet you've spent a lot of quality time with this here cow."

The first man says, "I won't lie to you: this really is a great cow."

The second man says, "I know a great cow when I see one, and I really think this might be the very greatest cow in the entire barn. Here, let me give you this blue ribbon to put on your cow."

The first man says "Thank you, she'll love this ribbon. It'sanhonor. ThankyouGod...Icouldn'thavedoneitwithoutGod, my family, and this here cow."

And the two men part ways.

That’s it.

To recap: what we're talking about here is a grown man taking his pet cow down to an event for the sole purpose of allowing other people the pleasure of admiring his cow, and possibly admiring some cows himself.

And that’s fine with me.

I'm just concerned about the cows. Nobody asked them if they wanted to be paraded around stark naked in front of God and country like that.

Seems to me they could at least dress 'em up a bit.


shoes said...

Good points on that cow stuff. I had never really thought it all the way. Closest I ever got was reading Laura Ingles Wilder's 'Farmer Boy'...especially the part about the prize winning pumpkin. And Charlotte's Web, but that was a pig.

And all you get on my blog is basically my emails!

The Griggs Gallery said...

Actually I think some people do dress their cows up and, here in Texas, there is a whole new level of cow seriousness. They built an entire complex for them 100 years ago, and "foreigners" like myself actually go, pay money and visit once a year at the famous Will Rodgers stadium. The more I type, the more it occurs to me to definitely stop here and now.

Anonymous said...

Hahaha!!! This was so funny - I had to call Mom and read it aloud to her. I love how you emphasize that these are "grown men." -Jenni B

Anonymous said...

This is soooo funny! I had to read it out loud to Mom, and we're both crying from laughing so hard. I love how you emphasize that these are "grown men."