Wednesday, September 06, 2006

A Blue Kayak of Average Quality

Nearly everyone has had a roomate at one point or another. I have too. In fact, I like roomates so much - I have 4 of them. Roomates are great. Anyway, it gets lonely in a house by yourself!! For that reason, if none other, a roomate is a very handy item to keep with you.

Inevitably one's path in life tends to diverge from the paths of those with whom one cohabitates. It is an inescapable truth that I have (unfortunately) been party to on numerous occasions. In fact Alvin, King of the Terrace Level, recently left us for greener pastures.

His blue kayak and antique bedstead stayed.

It didn't take us long to realize that various of Alvin's personal effects were in no immediate danger of moving towards Alvin's new pasture under their own power; and friends: Alvin was nowhere to be found.

It is true that we heard tell of him in the Himalayas. Matt saw his likeness carved into a roadstone in Southern Mozambique. Seth saw him whirling with the dervishes in India. Danny was briefly abducted by pirates in the Tortugas who claimed to have known Alvin passably well, but we knew better. No pirate sallies forth without his trusty, blue kayak!

In order to jog Alvin's memory we sent him the following liquidation announcement:


1 "antique" bed of dubious heritage and quality

1 blue kayak of average quality (without paddle)

8 pounds of manure (horse) inside a blue kayak of average quality

6 spent cigarette butts inside a blue kayak of average quality

19 honeybaked hams of (previously) excellent quality inside a blue kayak of average quality

1 toilet seat gently stapled to a blue kayak of average quality

197 beer cans inside a blue kayak of average quality

If you act now; the dudes of the dude ranch will throw in the manure, cigarette butts, and honeybaked hams totally free of charge with the purchase of your first blue kayak of average quality.

Better hurry - Matt has been wanting to do something to that kayak for weeks and I don’t think I can restrain him much longer. He's just too hairy.

P.S. He just got a new drill.



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