Monday, October 02, 2006

My Apologies, But Could You Hand Me My Eye?

It seems that I have damaged my left eye. If one did not know better one might think that Satan was attempting to enter the world through my left eyeball. It is that red. Think "fires of hell" red. You're close. So, by "damaged" I mean that the ordinarily-white part of my eye has turned a particularly virulent red. I can only assume that it has begun formally addressing everyone who walks by because they don't speak back at it, but they do stop and stare; a facet of humanity that I have always found somewhat rude.

If you're going to stop and stare at part of my body you could at least direct towards it some sort of appropriate question. Even a quick "well hellooo" under your breath would be fine so long as I can see your lips moving.

I wouldn't suggest it if I didn't do it myself. This morning is a great example. I simply said:

"Hellooo strangely-formed, wide, somewhat oblong, wrinkled rump standing before me on the escalator! How are you today?"

It gave me a pleasant waggle in greeting and I went on about my business.

For now all I will say is that the accident involved me, twelve hundred (1,200) acres of pine trees, one (1) pickup truck, one (1) machete, one (1) bottle of water, one (1) leather glove, and 1 (one) chunk of pine tree traveling at mach 947.

I went into work this morning for a little show-n-tell with the injury. Ultimately my boss (after attempting to exorcise my demons) encouraged me to run down the street for a quick visit with the eye doctor. Its been years since I've been to an Optometrist, but I took his advice.

When I arrived the good doctor dumped a squirt of eye-opener in my eye holes. He then attempted to plug me into a large metal contraption with a shiny tip on it that was entirely too close to my left peeper. Naturally, I asked him what he was going to do. His response was "I'm going to poke you right in the eye with this little metal piece."

Well alright.

But why am I naked?



Kitty said...

Arrrrgggg! Pirates are very in this season - hope the patch has good results with the ladies!! You can visit
and pick a new name for your self!!

Noelle said...

If it makes you feel any better I have an ulcer. I previously thought that only old wrinkly ladies who like to do sick medical show and tell's got ulcers. I am not telling many people I am that embarrassed, but I felt a little sorry for you so I have shared.
I hope you are doing well other thatn physically. I think of you guys often and fondly-Noelle