Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Dynamite Is Always A Good Answer


The topic at hand was "how best to bait and kill a beaver", and to be perfectly honest with you I have no clear idea how to go about it. I know trappers used to trap beavers underwater with some kind of metal trap and maybe they still do, but I don't have one handy.

I'm actually not 100% certain what one might do with a dead beaver in a commercial sense, but I can think of about three million great things to do with one from a humor standpoint. Just to be sure, I surveyed Tyler The Scrappy, and determined that she currently owns no clothing made of beavers, so I think its safe to assume wrapping up in a dead animal is somewhat less a point than it once was. It also turns out that my three million prank ideas are mostly un-funny, or so I'm told.

Ultimately, Fred shrugged and said "Listen, I don't care if we trap them or not, all I know is these beavers are eating all the landscaping. If we can't trap 'em we can at least blow them up. Dynamite works for nearly anything. Anybody have dynamite?"

Hank responded with "Fred we're not dynamiting Lake Burton for beavers."

Fred pouted for a bit then said "Well, fine. I'm going to put more logs on the fire" and sulked off towards the woodpile.

"How about cayenne pepper mixed with water and glycerine, and sprayed on the trees at the water's edge?" I said. I know I wouldn't eat a tree sprayed in that."

"Do we want to kill them or just chase them around with pepper?" Hank said looking disgusted. "You're a big fat idiot."

Just then Tyler sashayed up and I, always alert for a way to spread a little natural education around, inquired "Hey, know what makes that mark on the trees?"

"ManBearPig" she immediately responded. "Half Man, Half Bear, and Half Pig", and she flipped her flowing blond locks over her shoulder and stalked off.

"SpiketailBuckDeer" mumbled Fred from the direction of the woodpile.

"Wow. I really like her," said Hank.

1 comment:

Kristy said...

Me too, I really like her.