Thursday, April 10, 2014

Go Out On top

Marriage is pretty exciting. After 5ish years of it I find that I like it and I wouldn't go back to singleness, willingly, for any reason.

I cannot seem to use my mouth to make the right sounds to explain this concept to my wife; but I also definitely wouldn't get married again.

Let me 'splain.

Years ago I made an incredible behind-the-neck full-court shot with a basketball. It was fantastic. My friend Danica saw me do it - which was even better because she was lovely. Deep in the throes of teenage hubris, my hormone-addled process of deductive reasoning led me down the following path: "That was great. Therefore, I must also be great. Therefore, I shall definitely perform this feat again to the delight of the beautiful women surrounding me."

I lined up and sent the ball whipping back across the driveway once land squarely on the hood of my friend Leigh's Dad's new convertible. It made a terribly unpleasant metallic crunching sound - and it definitely left a mark. Fortunately, it was a Miata. So, you know.....

Danica said "Yeah, you really should learn to go out on top" and stalked back inside on a pair of lanky well-turned stems. Later, she went to Harvard - without me.

So, thanks Danica - you taught me something important that day.

It is because of that key lesson that I know better than to ever remarry. Instead, if the world exploded and I found myself single again - I would chase women and hope not to catch them and I would go on adventures. So, just to be clear - if I weren't married - I would chase women and adventure. That's all.

Also, I would build an aggressive firepit and have fantastic bonfires in my front yard, which I am presently not allowed to do - and I might buy a pet lion.

That really is all.

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