Tuesday, September 16, 2008

The Price of Vanity

I like to linger luxuriously in the bathroom in the morning. Its true - I've come to terms with it. There aren't that many opportunities in life to hang around mostly nekkid, so I take advantage of it. Its a little "me" time, if you will.

Actually, its usually a little "Me AND Bud" time because ordinarily by the time I get to the bathroom he's already in there (nekkd) brushing his teeth. But hey, thats ok - we have two sinks, so nobody's nekkid space gets invaded.

I woke up this morning, yawned, stretched, and gently scratched my hairy chest. I relaxed for a second while I wondered where I was. I remembered the night before, then looked at the clock; it said time to get up, so I walked across the hotel room floor into the bathroom of my suite.

When I got to the bathroom I looked in the mirror and yawned; admired my collection of freckles for a second or two then, still looking at myself in the mirror, I reached my right hand up into my doc kit and rummadged around until I found my toothpaste tube

I craned my neck back to get a better look at my tonsils while I squeezed a very large glob of paste out on my toothbrush by feel - hey, its hotel toothpaste so I can be wasteful, right?

Satisfied with the paste quantity, I leaned back, cracked two of my toes, stretched again, then started to put my toothbrust in my mouth; but I realized something - I had forgotten to wet the boothbrush. So, I leaned around and cracekd my neck while I turned the faucet on and wet my toothbrush; then I opened both eyes wide to check for eye boogers while I began brushing my teeth.

About 15 seconds into my brushing routine I realized something was wrong.

At about 18 seconds I realized something was very, very wrong.

And at 20 seconds I knew exactly what was wrong: I was brushing my teeth with Preparation H.

Thats the price of vanity.

3 comments:

Kitty said...

Jimbo,
Tis a sad, sad day when our vanity distracts us from simple things, such as the tubes we are using. This post will be a good reminder for the rest of us to be a bit more observant of the little things and less centered on self. But for you, I have another suggestion: you could change the location of your "personal" tube so it is not as easily accessible as the toothpaste, like a pocket of the travel case or a ziplock baggie. I fear your "self inspection/appreciation" time isn't going away anytime soon.
And, as always, thanks for sharing more than we really needed to know.

Kitty said...

You did not post my reply!

Martha Cary and Justin Lowery said...

that's really gross. i am glad that you finally realized it and stopped, but i am a little surprised it took you that long to tell that it didn't quite taste minty and fresh like toothpaste! haha! hope things are going well...