Tuesday, February 14, 2006

'Twas the Night Before Thursday

My sincerest apologies to Clement Clarke Moore for his wonderful poem 'Twas the Night Before Christmas, and the poetic butchery to follow:

'Twas the night before Thursday when all through the house,
not a roomate was stirring, not even Matt's louse.
The gym socks were slung on the floors everywhere,
In hopes that the maid would just clean and not care.
I walked in real' late and got ready for bed,
then I thought to myself "no, go downstairs instead."
"I have washing to do and its not such a blast,
But I'll run to the basement and dump clothes in fast."
I grabbed hold of my wash and shouldered it up,
"no whites with the darks" and soap less than a cup!
I walked down the stairwell and what did I see?
A river of sewage rushing straight up at me.
I swore oh-so-loud at the miserable sight,
and woke up my brother to clean up all night.
We plunged and we roto-ed and we rooter-ed around,
but by 2AM the problem couldn't be found.
So to the plumber I went and I hugged him real' tight,
he just backed away quickly and said "its alright."
"I'll take all your money and dig up your yard,
with this great big bulldozer it really ain't hard."
"I'll kill all your shrubs and your trees just for fun,
to get me to finish you'll need a big gun."
I say all this now, but know when I'm through,
when its a plumber you need - no one else will do.
So on plungers! On rakes! On cleaners and spools!
On buddies with trucks and big racks full of tools!
On door locks! On rat bait! On old ceiling tiles!
On Pergo! On slate! On rails with no stiles!
On drip pans! On French drains! On sagging brick walls!
On wall lights! On mildew! On too-narrow halls!
On Mark Andy and Matt! On Bud (when awake)!
On Mom George and Dad who helped clean up the lake!
To the top of the roof! To the end of the hall!
Now dash away, dash away, dash away all!
We've braved unimaginable strain and cleaned many a mess,
so you all have my thanks - I could wish you no less!
The house is still standing and we all still live there,
The thought of it dark and cold gives me a scare,
But when I turn in the driveway I am greeted by light*!
So I say - Merry Basement to all, and to all a good night!


*turn it off. it costs me money.

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