Tuesday, May 11, 2010

An Ordinary, Intelligent Day

I’m convinced that ordinary, intelligent, people do extraordinarily stupid things very regularly and they’re just fortunate enough that, 85% of the time, nobody sees it. Somehow I managed to get myself born under an unlucky star and about 95% of the stupid things I do - someone manages to see. And not just “see” but witness, verify, then relate to others.

Last week I was scalloping about on craigslist.com when I came across a young man selling a set of five (5) automatically-inflatable PFDs (that’s automatic life jackets to you non-fishermen-folks) for $125 plus $16 shipping. I priced the units out at $119-apiece at the fount of all things good and wonderful (BassPro Shops)and was astounded to calculate a cool $454 in savings.

I almost lost my mind.

Naturally, I bought them and they showed up in the mail just a short few days later – as promised and just as described. I was thrilled. So thrilled, in fact, that I immediately put one on and walked around in the kitchen wearing it while cooking dinner. I’m a grown man, and if I want to walk around in my own house wearing an inflatable life jacket – I’ll damn well do it.

I imagine Joshua K. Wallace, Roommate, was very surprised to turn the corner and see me rolling on the kitchen floor in a plate of hot fish, rice, and beans; gasping and clutching at the fully-inflated life vest wrapped around my throat, but he had the wits about him a few moments later to help me deflate it a bit, and take this:

To HELL with camera phones.

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