Monday, May 03, 2010

One Brick Over The Limit

I'm pleased to report that I've successfully tricked a real live woman into agreeing to marry me. Thats right - Tyler M. Davenport and I have offically engaged each other.

I maintain that she asked me, and she swears that I begged her - so we've decided to stick with "engaged each other" so as not to offend either of our delicate sensibilities.

Despite her Mother's ambivalent words concerning my engagement plans: "Well, that all sounds nice.....I sure hope she says yes!"; Tyler did indeed agree.

I thought I was in the clear, but after that comment I spent some time practicing on my kitchen floor just to be safe. I found that when I got down on BOTH knees I could pick up the overhead light just enought to stun her with the glare off the diamond; temporarily blinding her and rendering her sufficiently incapable of wise judgment. So, to be clear, I was not "groveling" I was merely on both knees to pick up better light. Like so many other things in life - I think that was the key to the whole thing - good lighting; but I also plied her with champagne and talked very, very quickly - two of my only remaining good bachelor tricks.

Since Le Engagement I've been the unwitting receptacle for all sorts of advice, witticism, quips and pithy maxim. Here's some of the most recent:

"Welcome to the club, where nothing you say is right and nothing you say can fix the first thing you said that was wrong."

"Hey man, how long did y'all date?"
"a little over a year."
"Err. Ok. Well, can you tell my girlfriend that you dated for six years? That would really help me out alot."

"Raise your hand if you like Tyler alot more than Jimmy."

"You've outpunted your coverage."

"What did you say to trick her into it?"

"Thats the finest Cubic Zirconium I've ever seen."

"Hey - I'm calling to say we just got engaged!"
"Great - more importantly - did you fish in that bass tournament this weekend?"

Thanks for the support guys - its been a good ride.

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